I was going to wait and post about infertility and IVF later on, or maybe never, but this month marks two years since our IVF journey started at Pacific NW Fertility (
www.pnwfertility.com) and I have been reflecting so much on our experience that I wanted to share our story. The reason I'm being so open about all this is because when we were first having problems getting pregnant, then referred to a specialist, then finally made the leap into the scary and confusing world of IVF, I would scour the internet looking for anyone, and everyone's experience. The heartache of infertility and the process of IVF can make a girl feel pretty alone, isolated, scared and confused and I appreciated other honest posts and experiences more than I could ever express. So maybe someone out there will find this story, and find hope just like I did. Here goes...
Chris and I got married pretty young. Chris was 24, and I had just turned 23 so we were more than content to enjoy our 20s baby free and have fun. Once we were more settled, and bought our house we decided it was time to start a family! Up until that point I hadn't been on birth control and was just being careful based on the time of the month. Looking back it's pretty funny because I thought I was
so good at this and remember times I actually bragged about it-haha. Trying to have a baby at first is so fun. It's exciting, and the anticipation each month brought so much joy to our relationship. After a few months passed, I was starting to get frustrated, but wasn't worried. Then a year passed, and as always turned to the internet and joined an online community of other girls trying to get pregnant, hoping to pick up some tips and connect with others in the same boat. Well, after a year and a half passed, and everyone but me on the discussion board was pregnant, I panicked. Something was wrong.
I went to my family doctor, I guess just hoping for reassurance that sometimes these things take time. Instead she referred me to a reproductive specialist. I felt like my world had come crashing down. I was 28. Up until that point, I had only heard about IVF and infertility treatments from places like US magazine or some celebrity gossip site when so and so had fertility treatment because they'd waited too long and were now in their 40s. So mustering up my courage and dignity, we made our appointment.
Our first doctor (who I'm not going to mention, but there's only a few in Bellingham so do your research) was awful. I'm a warm and fuzzy kind of girl and this man was all business, and literally laughed and scoffed at some of our questions. I had a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of check up, told there was nothing really wrong with us, and it was promptly recommended we do IUI (Intrauterine insemination). This involved taking an oral medication every day that mimics menopause symptoms (hot flash and night sweats included), going for regular ultrasounds until everything looks perfect. Once it's the right time, you get a big shot in your ass and come back a few days later to have a catheter inserted through your cervix to inject sperm directly into your uterus near your fallopian tubes. Not fun. But we were really hopeful, and felt like this could be our answer. Well, it wasn't. We did 4 cycles of this with negative results. We got frustrated and made an appointment to talk about what our next step was, and were told it could take up to
10 cycles. Ummm...no. We promptly took our records and left with nothing but a terrible experience, a broken heart, and a maxed out credit card.
I did some research and we ended up finding a clinic in Seattle called Pacific NW Fertility. (Just a quick plug for them, if you're looking for a clinic in the Seattle area, they are amazing). On our first appointment there, a diagnosis was made and Chris and I were told we have less than 2% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own, including IUI. This was the start of our IVF journey.
IVF is so complicated, that I'll just summarize. If you want more information you can e-mail me :)
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| My package of medication arrived at my work. That's a big box! |
My medication schedule included birth control pills at the start of the cycle, then 3 injections per day into my stomach for approximately 10 days. That causes all of your eggs for that cycle to grow, instead of just one. Ultrasounds follow the growth progress of the eggs, and once they are big enough, you have your egg retrieval. The egg retrieval is a mini surgery where I was put under, then they insert a giant needle into your fallopian tubes and extract the eggs one by one. It was surprisingly easy and the recovery was quick. Just some cramping. I had 17 mature eggs that were the start of our possible baby :) We were thrilled.
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Taking the first pill...Here we go!
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Once the eggs are out, they injected Chris's swimmers into the eggs, and put them in an incubator that mimics the human body. We waited and prayed that they would develop into embryos.
In a typical IVF cycle, 1-2 embryos are put back into the uterus 3-5 days after the egg retrieval. However, I developed a rare side effect that caused my estrogen levels to become extremely high, making it a impossible for me to get pregnant. So the 5 embryos that survived were frozen for later use.
A couple of months later, once my levels returned to normal, we went in to transfer two embryos! We were beyond excited and was sure this was our turn, our time. The transfer is really a miracle and a special experience. They bring in your embryos and put them under a microscope so we could see them and they are literally vibrating with life. Amazing. They insert a catheter through the cervix and place them gently in your uterus. And with that, we brought our babies home and the 10 day wait, and daily progesterone injections began.
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| Transfer #1 |
9 days later I couldn't stand it...I took a home pregnancy test. Now let me preface this by saying we were warned. They said, "DON'T TAKE A HOME PREGANCY TEST". I did anyways, and I so wish I hadn't. It was positive. We couldn't believe it. We laughed, we cried, and we promptly called and told our families the news. The next day, I had the official blood test and got the call that yes, I was pregnant, but my numbers were too low. The reading was supposed to be 60 or higher, and mine was 32. The nurse said to wait 3 days (the longest 3 days of my life) and retest. If the numbers doubled, that was a good sign. If not, it's a sure early miscarriage. My number was 43. Again, my world came crashing down.
I was done. I was SO done. I'd had it. I felt defined by my infertility and it was ruling my entire life. The pain and sadness is so consuming that it eats you alive. The worst thing about pain like this is you don't have anyone to be mad at. You can't blame someone. You can't yell at anyone, or do anything to make it better. You can't just
try harder. It is what it is, and you're stuck on this hellish roller coaster until you decide that it's time to get off. And it was time for me to get off.
We decided to take the summer off...at least, with tentative plans to do another transfer in the Fall/Winter of 2012. We had a great time that summer. I felt free, I could breathe, collect my thoughts, and remember who I really
was. October 2012 rolled around and we felt ready. We were a bit guarded and jaded at this point, no longer the young naive couple we were when we walked into that first clinic. This wasn't our fist rodeo.
The second delivery of meds arrived, and I felt hopeful and even a little optimistic. This cycle consisted of more of the same...ultrasounds every other day, injections, and finally the transfer. We transferred two embryos, and one was especially promising and already looking to implant. I put myself on bed rest for 3 days to give the embryos the best chance possible.
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| Our embryos |
Needless to say, this cycle we didn't do a home pregnancy test. On the morning of day 10, I went to have my blood drawn and raced home to wait for the call. The wait seems like days, the anticipation was excruciating. Around 11am on December 3, 2012 our favorite nurse from the clinic called and said..."YOU'RE PREGNANT!" We couldn't believe it. We cried, we laughed, and spent most of the day looking at each and saying, "Can you believe it?" It was one of the most magical days of my life. I remember so clearly walking into the future nursery and just standing there crying...the whole experience was actually worth it. It happened. It was finally our turn. We are going to be a family.
I had a fairly smooth pregnancy, but after going through IVF and having all the disappointment I couldn't help but feel like I was waiting for the ball to drop...like some sort of set back or disappointment was right around the corner, but it never came.
Laila Kate Raymor was born on August 4, 2013 via scheduled C-section. She weighed 8lbs 7oz and is the most beautiful being I have ever laid eyes on. We were instantly in love, and I'd do it a thousand times again for her. It was painful, heartbreaking, and scary but the moment I laid eyes on my baby girl, it all melted away. I still will look at her, and can't believe she's mine. That it actually worked. She's my everything, and we're so lucky, and finally a family.
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